He Didn't Have to Be

It's been a minute..... or two.

Because kids. 

And work. 

And life. 

Anyway... I'm back, for those who care to partake into some sub-optimal writing, here it goes....

I'll have some more in the upcoming months.

For now, here it is....

This is short, but it's sweet.

Ok, I might have stolen the title from a country song. But it was fitting. I couldn't resist. 

This blog post may be a little different than others. 

But I need to give some props to the man that has held me up for almost the entirety of a decade. 

Because..... He didn't have to. 

He didn't have to fall in love with someone with so much baggage.... and see me through some of my absolute darkest times while standing by my side none the less. 

He didn't have to raise a child that wasn't his own flesh and blood, but if you know our family, then you'd never know the difference between any of our kids. 

Derek is one of a kind. 

The fun loving kind. The always the life of the party kind. The master of all practical jokes kind. The eternal optimist kind. The always funny guy kind.

But he's also another kind...

The voice of reason, when I'm stuck in the grasp of anxiety's strong hold. 

The fun loving parent, whom let's them just be kids.

The one who tells me to take it down a notch when I'm stressing about something silly. 

The kind who holds me when I'm down at my lowest and tells me "You got this." 

He's the kind of person that always puts others first.
The kind that doesn't just do the easy thing, but the right thing. And teaches our kids to always do the same, no matter how hard. 

He's the kind that will practice late into the night, with our daughter who desperately wants to be a better softball player. 

Of course, he's not perfect. But he's ours, and to us, he is. 

He loves his kids all the same. He loves me, despite all my shortcomings. He loves life and it shows. 

Thank you, Derek..... For being all that you are. All that we love you for. And all you didn't have to be. 

What I would have told my naive self.... If only she would have listened

It's been a minute.
Or two.
I have truly been meaning to get back to my thoughts but, you know... Kids. Work. Life. And so forth...
Anyway, a couple weeks ago a friend sent me some (really) old photos I'd never seen.
And earlier today, I came across a status that proved to remind me that 9 years ago today was my last day at Wesley. Coincidentally, today, 9 years later, was my last day of full time orientation after making a comeback to the job I used to call mine, so many moons ago. 

9 years ago I was scared, I was lost, I was a hollow shell. 

My husband had died and every aspect of my life had changed. 

NOTHING was the same.

I tried to retunr to work in hopes that it would be a constant in my life. 

It was. 

But not the right kind. 

It was a constant reminder of changes that were out of my control. 

If only, I could go back, I'd tell the old me this . . . 

   I know you're scared. But, hang on. I know you feel like it will never get better. Hang on. I know you can't find yourself right now. That's ok. You have SO much beautiful life ahead of you. An amazing husband, and 3 more kids that will rock your world. Yes, I said 3 more. Yes, I know that equals 4 kids total. Don't worry, you got this. I know you look around, and he's gone. Unfortunately, that won't ever change. And, unfortunately, that won't ever get better. But live your life my dear. Cherish yesterday, love today, and have hope for tomorrow.